A person’s degree of happiness is often influenced by their social life and relationships. While a majority of people focus primarily on familial and romantic relationships, we are finally recognizing the importance of friendship. Despite sounding corny, the power of friendship is one that can lead to personal growth, healing, and improved quality of life. Do you have people in your life that you see as your “chosen family” or those friends who you can go to no matter what? These close relationships are essential to the human experience because they directly contribute to a person’s sense of belonging and feeling understood. Friends bring so much joy, love, and support into your life. They can help you relieve stress, feel connected to others/the world, support you in times of need, and much more.
How Many Friends Should I Have?
Our society is often focused on appearances as opposed to quality. Someone could have 100 “friends” but still be the loneliest person in the room, while another person with 3-5 close friends is happy and connected. The number of friends that you have is not important. The quality of your relationships, the nature of your relationships, and the longevity of your relationships are the factors that count.
There is no magic number when it comes to friendships. In fact, having “friends” who are there solely for appearances or out of obligation can negatively affect your mental health. There is a notion that you are who you hang out with, similar to “you are what you eat.” Some truth can be found in the former statement. Your true friends are likely to have positive influences on you because they positively contribute to your life in some way, and you do the same for them. Toxic friendships or friendships that are ingenuine likely take away from your quality of life. They can also reinforce negative cognitions or habits in your life.
For example, your best friend is someone who has your best interests at heart. You can tell
them anything and everything without fear of judgment or scorn. This person would also be able to tell you what you need to hear and help you with your problems by providing you with some ideas for a solution or even with a new perspective. A genuine relationship like this is one that helps you see your life from a different perspective and reinforces healthy habits like self-reflection, personal empowerment, and self-care.
How Toxic Friendships Diminish Your Mental Health
Where genuine friendships can help you make positive choices and experience joy, toxic
friendships can reinforce negative beliefs and add stress to your life. There are many different ways that you can be impacted by toxic friendships. Maybe they directly influence your self-esteem or contribute to negative self-talk. You could feel like you are always in competition with them or like you need to compare yourself to them. Perhaps they consistently criticize you over things big and small, or you feel like you have to explain yourself to them. Friends are supposed to love you and accept you as you are while providing necessary and well-intentioned feedback when the situation calls for it. Criticizing you for things, especially things beyond your control, is a way for toxic people to introduce more shame and negativity into your self-perception.
Are My Friendships Genuine?
Are there any people in your life that come to mind when you read about positive friendships versus toxic friendships? Here are some signs of ingenuine friendships:
1. They are only kind to you under certain conditions.
2. They try to come between you and others.
3. They show you insincerity when you ask for support.
4. They avoid accountability when it comes to issues in your relationship.
5. They are consistently absent in your times of need.
6. They only offer help or support when they can get something in return.
7. They are only interested in themselves and what they want to do.
8. They disrespect you and challenge your boundaries.
9. They gossip about you behind your back.
10. They make promises to change but never do.
Other common signs of toxic relationships are guilt-tripping, shaming, manipulation, and
dehumanization. These can be presented in many different ways, some of them especially
subtle. First and foremost, it can be difficult to recognize that a relationship is toxic. If you’re
unsure, consult with a trusted family member, or a good friend who knows you well. It often
takes external support to keep you grounded while examining your relationships, and that is
completely okay!
This post was written by Shannon France, MS, MHC-LP, and published by Mandevilla Mental Health Counseling, PLLC