Guilt is an emotion or feeling that we get when we feel that we have done something wrong or that we have failed someone or something in some way. It gives you feelings of shame and embarrassment and honestly is just not a great feeling.
The feelings of guilt can emerge for many different reasons. It comes from thoughts, actions, or even acts that you think you have committed, that can be perceived as immoral or wrong.
-Stealing candy
-Lying to someone
-Breaking a commitment
These are different examples that can cause guilt.
Feeling guilt is a normal emotion, and it is not always a bad thing. Guilt can be used as a moral compass; however, you should not feel guilty about everything all the time. When used in a productive manner, guilt can help you learn how to move on to avoid the same mistakes in the future.
Effects of Guilt
- Low self-esteem
- Excessive worry
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Negative feelings about self
- No/ little boundaries
- Sensitivity to criticism
As stated previously, guilt can be used as a motivational tool. When we participate in, think about, or do something that we perceive or can be perceived as wrong or bad we get those feelings of guilt, we can use these feelings to help us move forward and not do that again.
But what happens when we are unable to use guilt to press forward…. How do we cope?
-First, facing the feelings (as uncomfortable as they may be) can help release these feelings. This can be done by sharing, confessing, and just being honest with yourself and whomever you feel that you wronged.
-Another thing that can be done... FORGIVENESS!! Yes, yes, I know, simple words for a tall order. Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly which does not help us to move forward or fix anything. Learn to forgive yourself, it takes time, practice, and a conscientious effort to forgive oneself, but it is an important part of coping with guilt.
-Examine your guilt. Are you guilty of whatever it is that you are feeling guilty about? Make sure your reasons for guilt are rational and reasonable. Sometimes we feel guilty about things that we shouldn’t, so be sure you have a reason to feel the guilt you are hanging onto!
-Another simple (not simple) thing: If you are participating in something that makes you feel guilty… STOP! If you stop doing what is making you feel guilty, then you will not have to feel guilty about it anymore.
-Set new values for yourself. What new actions can you do to better your life, set realistic values and goals that you can follow? Then let the past stay in the past and look forward.
-Sometimes we hold onto things and harbor ill will for others… As Anna says, “Let it GO!”. Practice forgiving others, when you work on empathizing with others when you can forgive others... after a while, you will learn how to empathize and forgive yourself. With that, again, let the past be in the past, let go and move on.
- Make peace. If it is something that you can amend, apologize, or fix, work on that. Show whomever you are feeling guilty about that you are willing to mend whatever it is that hurt them, even if it is an apology.
Guilt is something that we feel like we cannot control. And in truth, it is not…. if you do not try and work for peace from whatever it is that is burdening you. Just remember, think about why you feel guilty, is it something you should feel guilty about? If not, stop holding onto it and sluff off that guilt and look forward.
If it is, what can you do to help fix or bring peace to whomever you hurt (including yourself)? We are not perfect, we cannot always fix the things we break, however, holding onto negative and hurtful feelings will not help you move forward, nor will it repair anything.
Just remember:
Strive for progress, not perfection!
Also, remember to always take the time to enjoy the little things in life!
-Kris
This post was written by Kristin Armistead and published by Mandevilla Mental Health Counseling, PLLC