If you identify as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community, chances are, you have had a few
moments in your life where you’ve questioned your identity. Maybe you are still questioning, or you’ve recently adopted a new label that suits you better than your previous one(s). Labeling isn’t a requirement, but many people find comfort in adopting labels that describe who they are. People often gain a stronger sense of self with these labels, which can be empowering and can connect them to the greater LGBTQIA+ community. On the other hand, some people resist the use of labels altogether, which is also completely valid. As mentioned, labeling is not a requirement by any means. For some, they can become complicated, and because humans are ever-evolving beings that grow and adapt by the day, some people find labeling to be redundant. It is entirely up to you if you want to use labels or not.
What is Labeling?
Labeling is the act of adopting a word that represents some facet of your intersectional identity. Many use them to describe their sexual orientation or gender. They can be used as a way to connect with others, build community, and better understand yourself. To some, they are often seen as taboo and can be attached to stereotypes that may be weaponized against marginalized communities. There are two key things to remember about labels. First, you should respect the people in your life by using the labels they ask you to use when you refer to them. A common example of this is using someone’s preferred pronouns.* Second, labels are never set in stone. If a person chooses to label themselves a certain way, and then they find a label better suited for them, it is perfectly okay for them to adapt and change. Once again, we are brought back to the previous point of using the labels that people ask you to use when you refer to them.
*When pronouns were first being included in things like medical forms, school paperwork, and day-to-day conversations, people would often ask what your preferred pronouns are. Now, we simply ask what your pronouns are. Why this change? To some, this may seem like a small adjustment or nothing at all. However, asking a person what their pronouns are is a more definitive question. It is more straightforward and there is one correct answer, the answer that they give you. The term “preferred” alludes to your pronouns only being a preference, which some ill-natured or disrespectful people might purposefully overlook. So, instead of asking someone what they would like to be called, we now ask what they are called. This removes any room for interpretation or questioning.
Who Benefits from Labels?
Anyone who is new to the world of LGBTQIA+ benefits from label exploration. If anything, it is important for outsiders to the community to know and understand what labels are currently being used, which are old or outdated, and how to appropriately use labels in a variety of contexts. Learning about the appropriate terms to use is crucial for all educators, professionals, and especially people who work in human services. Teens and younger populations often benefit from exploring different labels. The phase of life that they are in is one of identity formation and exploration, so it is important for them to have access to new information, ideas, and identities. This also applies to people who previously led heteronormative lives but discovered that they did not want to live in alignment with that type of lifestyle.
Weaponized Words
In a positive context, labels are used to help make connections, establish a sense of
community, and provide people with a better sense of self. In a negative context, they are
turned into derogatory words or are used within the LGBTQIA+ community to limit or exclude people.
While the LGBTQIA+ community is one of inclusivity and self-expression, there are certain
biases within the community that serves to limit and exclude others. Identity gatekeeping is a concept similar to gatekeeping a special interest like a tv show or a movie franchise. However, it is much more serious than that because human beings are directly barred from connecting with an aspect or aspects of their identity by people who should be welcoming them into the community. This can be harmful to anyone, but especially to those who are just beginning their exploration of their personal identity. Identity gatekeeping serves to further confuse, alienate, and minimize the internal beliefs, values, and ideas of others.
It has been established that labels are not set in stone, and this lack of permanence sometimes works against people in the LGBTQIA+ community. People with ill-intent may see this as an opportunity to further the false narrative that “being gay is a choice.” A similar false narrative is the notion that people aren’t bisexual, they just haven’t decided if they’re gay or straight. The lack of permanence is helpful in that people are not trapped in one specific box. However, it also contributes to harmful narratives set by cis-het people.
Another way that labels can be harmful is when they are given to you by someone else. Being forced into an identity is not acceptable by any means. Perhaps you have a suspicion that someone is not completely straight. Trying to force them to address or acknowledge that can be harmful and may cause undue stress. Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t mean that it is any of your business or that it is your job to help them figure it out. People deserve the right to explore their own identities at their own pace without outside interference.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line is that labels are mainly for personal use as you explore and work to find your community. Have respect for others by acknowledging their choices as their own, and using the terms that they give you. Labels are a personal choice that should not be influenced by others.
This post was written by Shannon France, MS, MHC-LP, and published by Mandevilla Mental Health Counseling, PLLC